Why adults have extramarital affairs?
Talk about a loaded matter that no one wants to talk about, this is it. Funny thing, affairs have been going on from ancient times. Extramarital affairs can be burdened with problems, cause sadness, and other problems. Plus you should wrap your brain around all the other issues, there’s that truth and honesty thing, finances, age difference, spiritual background, guilt, and on and on. I suppose there will be some strong opinions about some of this.
For the intention of this article I shall identify an affair as a long term, maybe months long relationship of a sexual nature between two individuals of whom one or both are married to other persons, discreet dating for married.
Why do men have affairs? There are as many reasons as there are women seeking affairs. I am conserned generally though it is just the human condition, the need for love, belonging, to be wanted and cared for, the caring for others and wanting to be loved and loved. Here are a few explanations I have run across.
Physically we as humans are all sexual creatures. Nature has us set up to reproduce, to have sex. Sex is pleasing and exciting, and sex makes us get away the real world for a small period of time. This excitement exists for whatever amount of time we are able to keep the adrenalin levels high enough. Somebody can turn the wish on and off, some are excellent at controlling it and others are so-so at best. Though we all have it, young and mature, able bodied and not so able. It is the Human condition. For some of us it is the sex act itself that drives us. For some of us it is the exhilaration of the hunt. For some of us it is the seduction, for some it is the caring for another individual, for some it is the longing to be appreciatedloved, for some it is the total romance thing. These wishes and yearnings can be so strong they overcome the taboos the world has erected against extramarital affairs. For lots of individuals the yearnings will overcome their doubts and make them risk the wrath of not only their family, but the public too. So why, what is the mechanism?
Sex Addicts, probably some of us are. Sex is terribly good, better then drugs, a natural high. If you are in this group of physically driven sex addicts and can find away to have an affair and not harm your family or anybody else? You would need to reduce the danger you are taking. If you have the attitude that a good affair is one that is advantageous to everyone, then good luck.
No love at home, or no romance. I suppose this is the largest cluster, colossal really. There are many couples whose marriage is over, but they are comfortable in the manner they exist, and upsetting the extended families is not on their list of things they wish to do. You love your spouse but there is no romance. Also there are the children to look after. Your finances are so knotted. You need the medical insurance, and so on. There are a lot of reasons to stay jointly besides love and sex.
Physical reasons, there are some people who can not have sex. They have physical circumstances that stop them completing the sex performance, at least not with their othere half. An extra-marital affair sometimes solves the trouble while keeping the marriage undamaged.
Avoidance, sadly this is a ordinary cause I fear. One or the other, as a rule the guy is sexually neglecting his lady for a number of reasons. As a male I actually am grateful to you guys neglecting your girls and making them available to us guys of romance, making them “milfs” But I still think it is despicable that you are neglectful. Then there is the spouse who is neglectful until the wife or husband has an affair, then they condemn them for doing so, when they where the catalyst. Those who neglect, then condemn, are not just neglectful, but malevolent.
Something is just misplaced in the marriage, I can not put my finger on it, but its not there. Probably its romance that is missing, maybe it is a shortage of love, maybe caring is disappeared, maybe it is the closeness, maybe neglect. Maybe we have simply grown separately, our general interests diverged. Could be it is that what I want, and what I want to do the rest of my ages, is diverce of what you want. Could be I simply do not know what I want from the marriage anymore. Maybe, just maybe I miss that emotion that when I am with you, it just feels right.
The ultimate reason people give is, they look for the excitement that is missing and so very much longed for.
There are other reasons, the feeling of power, to run away, for financial gain, for vengeance and so on. I am sure there are more reasons why people have affairs then these. I only stop because if this gets too long no one will read it.